Interview With A UFO The other night I was takin the trash out. I heard ol’ Bessie, my cow carryin on like there was a snake in her pin. I ran over and I said “Bessie, you best hush up!” That’s when I seen it. It was a round hunk of metal flyin through the sky. At first I thought it was the top of my grain bin.
That’s where I’ve been keepin my manure that I use on m’gardern. I thought to myself “Oh Boy! Someone’s done thrown a match in there. That’s when this little green light shot right down from it and burn up my okra patch. All of a sudden where that little green light was, these creatures walked out. I ran in and got my shotgun.
When I came back out, they said sumpthin like “Take me to your leader.” I told `em “I don’t know much about takin’ you to my leader but they’re fixin to meet their maker if they didn’t get on out of here. Then they made the ugliest fact at me and started talkin Japanese back and forth at each other. All of a sudden I heard Bessie again, but when I looked over, they zapped that poor ol’ cow up to their hunk of metal spacecraft. I told `em they better put her back or I was gonna call the UFO sightings hotline on them like I did on all of their friends. I said ” I know about all of your tests you run on them poor animals like Bessie cause I’ve been watchin’ the X-Files on my big 10 inch black and white TV.” Then they started gibbering back and forth again and I’ll be dang if they didn’t zap my old John Deere up on that ship too.
That’s when I got really mad. I think they understood English too cause when I told em what I thought of that spaceship, they started shootin’ that laser gun at me. I said “Yowweee!!!” Then I took off runnin’ up the hill. I guess they must’ve realized how big my shotgun was cause they got back in their ship and took off for the sky. Everything’s been pretty normal since then, except my wife, Bell, got meaner `cause I make her pull the plow now.
I know them danged ol’ aliens will be back cause I didn’t have any diesel in my tractor and they’ll never be able to go anywhere with it on empty. I’ll be ready for `em.