Place Descriptive EssaysThe Enjoyment of Atlanta

Traveling is one of my favorite things to do. I have visited many places throughout the United States, however, none are as exciting as Atlanta, Georgia. In Atlanta, there are many places to go and sights to see. For example, Six Flags Over Georgia, Stone mountain Park, and the Atlanta Braves Stadium, are all in or near the city of Atlanta.

Six Flags Over Georgia is a theme park containing anything from sweet treats to fun rides. Six Flags provides many activities for all ages. It is not at all uncommon to see famous cartoon characters, such as bugs Bunny, roaming around the park. Olde r children and adults who possess strong stomachs may enjoy riding the various roller coasters available. For example, The Ninja, is my favorite. The Ninja goes up and down steep hills and even loops upside down. Six Flags also has water rides availabl e to keep people cool. My favorite is Thunder river. Last June, I was lucky enough to get caught under the waterfall. Six Flags also has games to play and many souvenir shops. As for the sweets I mentioned earlier, the funnel cakes are absolutely deli cious. I would highly recommend Six Flags as a place to go when visiting the Atlanta area.

Stone Mountain Park is another tourist attraction near Atlanta. The park is located in Stone Mountain, Georgia. Not only is it a fun place to visit, but it is also historical. The mountain is the largest exposed piece of granite in the world. The f ace of the mountain was carved by the same man who carved Mt. Rushmore; however, he did not finish it. The carving, which is located on the top of the mountain, remained unfinished until it became a state park. The establishment of Stone Mountain State Park took place in 1963. The carving represents three key figures of the Confederacy riding their horses. The men included are Ulysses Grant, Robert E. Lee, and Jefferson Davis. The width of the carving is three-hundred yards, therefore, the width of a football field. Along with historical museums, the park has campgrounds and horseback riding. Stone Mountain Park also has a water park with a beach and a beautiful golf course. My favorite activity, however, is the laser show. The laser show takes p lace on the face of the mountain. Many shows take place on the holidays, such as July 4th. Stone Mountain Park is also a main focal point for the 1996 Olympics. There will be seven events taking place in the park. I definitely won’t miss that attracti on!

Last, but definitely not the least, is the exciting Atlanta Braves Stadium. I spend most of my time there when visiting Atlanta. The stadium is always packed with rowdy Braves fans wearing various forms of Atlanta paraphernalia. there are many conce ssion stands which serve hot dogs, pizza, nachos, and cold drinks. It is exciting to see all of the players dressed in uniform, not to mention the usual overweight coaches. The Braves games have been increasingly interesting over the past couple of year s. For example, last year they were one game away of winning the national championship. I am hoping there will be another chance this year. Another exciting thing to do while at a Braves game is to get autographs. The players usually give them out bef ore the game. For instance, last summer I received Terry Pendleton’s autograph. He wrote, “Keep on pulling for us Chuck.” I will always keep that to remind me of the wonderful year they had.

In conclusion, there are many places to visit in Atlanta. The most exciting ones include Six Flags, Stone Mountain, and the Atlanta Braves Stadium. Each one offer various forms of fun for all ages. For instance, Six Flags offer kiddie rides as well as rides for the older children and adults. Stone Mountain Park offers horseback riding and laser shows. Lastly, the Braves Stadium, offers great food and famous autographs. Everyone should visit the city of Atlanta at least once, I know I have.

Commentary on Essay

This essay received a “C.” There are a few grammatical errors here, including a comma splice in paragraph 1 and misplaced and missing commas throughout the essay. Furthermore, the essay’s style is rather unsophisticated, and it lacks the originality and humor in the two “A” essays. Additionally, the vocabulary is replete with trite phrases and labored cliches: “things to do,” “many places to go and sights to see,” “fun rides,” “possess strong stomachs,” and “exciting thing to do.” The conclusion offers little summary or memorable expressions. Instead, it rather awkwardly rephrases the introduction.

On the plus side, the essay is logically organized, with obvious–albeit trite–transitions leading from one paragraph to the other: “Stone Mountain Park is another tourist attraction” opening paragraph 3, “Last, but definitely not the least” opening paragraph 4, and “In conclusion.”

Generally, this essay is wholly average and undistinguished. The topic is handled competently yet colorlessly. The descriptions elicit minimal interest, with no penetrating, humorous, or original insight. This level of competence would probably pass the Regents’ essay, but the essay does not evince an accomplished style or voice.