Christopher Lathrop: Autobiography
My name is Christopher Ray Lathrop. And this is my Auto biography. I
was born at Saint Peters Hospital right here in Olympia WA. Where my other two
brothers Jarred 15, and Ryley 20 months, were born as well.
I traveled to Michigan with my family, when I was around seven or six.
Where my Aunt lives with her six kids and a small Korean family. I remember my
mother gave my brother and I ,what she refereed too as a Care Package, Right
before the trip. It was filled with weapons, nipple clamps, blow up dolls,
bulling pins and other inatimate objects. What a trip; four days on the road
with my brother and parents. Stopping at places like the worlds largest ball Of
string. We ended up going to the air port where my mom sent me too India.
Where I lived with a Monk monastery. While I was there, I was beaten repeatedly
with tree limbs. The only toys I had to play with were the contents of the care
package. I also received for some monk holiday a pet snow monkey. But brother
Haanz stole him from me; for his own entertainment.(If you know what I mean?)
Anyway; a few years later when I became a shambala monk. (many degrees
above a standard monk.) I ran away to America and joined circus Vargus as the
head clown. When the Circus came too my hometown of Olympia My mother witnessed
my performance, and decided too let me move back home. Living at home was worse
than I had hoped. I decided to venture, as I called it; on a long and hopefully
successful quest to find an answer to one of mans most pondered questions. “If
a cow laughs, does milk come out of his nose?” So I took what was left of the
care package, most of it though, was broken during my stay in the Turkish prison.
That’s a whole different story though. Well anyway; I took what was left of
the care package, and left.
Then at the age of fourteen I moved to Cat-mon-du-Abudabi-allowishis-
debris 90210. and out of pure coincidence, became a porno star. Then I built
my own nudist colony. Which unfortunately became impregnated by four Dutch
scientists with a golden retriever. So I was forced by sixteen Jewish
scientists with a Great Dane to have an abortion. They claimed it to be immoral
or something along those lines. My memory is a bit hazy, when It comes to those
times. After the abortion I moved to New York, and began raising venomous
hamsters. I was bitten 420,007,211,187 times in the buttox. Which didn’t help
the large cell growth in that area; being that it had already produced a rash
there anyways. So I joined the marines and fought in the Veit Nam war 42
regiment. I was a mechanical engineer and after years of study I developed a
high intensity materializing lazer death ray beam gun. they did not put the
weapon into use though. There was a glitch in it. You see, it took fourteen
pounds of crack, in order for it to produce enough energy for the flux capacitor.
without it the lazer was unable too reach eighty eight miles per hour. So
after the war I was shipped back home where I was forced to go to detoxification
classes. After I was discharged from rehab I went and inrolled for a class
called secondary options. After I was signed up and officially in the class I
started my plans to take over the entire world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!