Abstinence With all the emphasis on the importance of using condoms and birth control to ensure safer sex, I feel an intelligent choice is being overlooked. What is this choice? Well, it is sometimes looked at as old-fashion or not as a plausible decision. I feel, though, that it is very possible, and I am living proof that it is. This decision that I have made is pre-marital sexual abstinence. First of all, I want to say that I feel that people should be educated about condoms and other forms of birth control. Being responsible enough to take those measures when dealing with sex is important in and outside marriage.
Also, I would like to say that I am not looking down on anyone who chooses to engage in pre-marital sex. Many of my closest friends have chosen to have sex, and I have and always will be there for them no matter what decisions they make. I can talk to them about sex and give advice knowing that their beliefs are not mine. So, why have I made this decision? Well, the root of my decision is from my religion. I am a born-again Christian, and God tells us in the bible that it is wrong to have sex outside of marriage. When I was in junior high, I made a lot of promises that I swore I wouldn’t break.
They included such things as not drinking and not having sex until I was married. Well, I managed to break most of those promises in high school, but I always have kept my promise of abstinence. It wasn’t a decision that I made to be a “good” girl, it was a way of life. Every issue I saw that dealt with sex in high school made my decision even stronger. I was scared that me wanting to be a virgin would receive a lot of sarcasm and jokes, but I instead received the exact opposite.
Boys that found out would think it was wonderful and say such things as “You’re the type of girl I want to marry!” One of my best friends wrote in my yearbook “I will always admire you for your ability to say no in the most intense, heat of the moment. Always stick to what you believe. You’ll know when its right!” I was also afraid that I would never have a boyfriend who would accept me for my beliefs. On the contrary, I had a very serious relationship for a year without having sex. My ex-boyfriend has even made the choice of abstinence for himself. Some of my closest friends have also made the same decision, which helps because we can be there to support each other.
Besides me being a Christian, I feel that there are many good reasons to choose to be abstinent. Probably the most apparent reasons are preventing an unwanted pregnancy or contracting an infectious disease. If I became pregnant, I feel that many of my future plans could be very hard to accomplish. The HIV virus is also a scary issue that is very real. Contracting a disease or becoming pregnant could seriously alter or change my life.
In addition, I feel that society’s view of marriage is way out of proportion. Marriage is supposed to be a wonderful bond that two people vow to never break. I can’t think of a better way to make a marriage sacred than to keep sex inside that marriage. Sex is the most precious act of intimacy that shows your love for the person with which you are going to spend the rest of your life. Even if a couple is engaged to be married, I feel they should not have sex. Anything could happen while the couple is engaged, and they might never get married.
Thus, when a couple is engaged, trust and respect is built when a man and a woman choose not to have sex, and they both survive the struggles of self-control. I also see my virginity as a gift to my husband. I love him so much now without even knowing who he is that I will save this gift for him. Sex is also too emotional of an experience to have with another person besides your spouse. I know that my most serious relationship was hard enough to get over after breaking up without ever having sex.
I can’t imagine what the break-up would have been like if we had had sex. At points in that relationship, I felt like he was the one with which I wanted to spend the rest of my life, and I even contemplated having sex. Now that I know that things didn’t work out, I am so glad that I didn’t end up losing my virginity. Many people feel that sex is needed to have an intimate and loving relationship, but there are many alternatives to show a boyfriend/girlfriend that you love them. When I started college, I was afraid that my friends and I were the only ones who saw the benefits of abstinence. I lucked out, though, and I have met many people who have made the same decision.
I have even met many guys that are not afraid to tell people that they are proud of their virginity. Sometimes people assume that only girls can have the self-control to stay abstinent, but that is so untrue. Men might act like they need sex more than women, but the fact is that we all have the same sexual desires. Having sex should be a very important decision for anyone whether they choose to save it for marriage or not. This decision of abstinence is not any easy one. Sometimes I even wonder if it is worth it, but only for a second.
Then I think about how special my marriage will be. I might not find a virgin for a husband, but at least he will know what I saved for him. I’m glad I know exactly why God wishes us to save sex for marriage. Human Sexuality.